TV Highlights (or in the Twilight Zone)

01/07/2011

Name that Tune: “I’m not saying that you’re not on my mind” – Pumpkin Soup, Kate Nash

Movie Quote of the Day: “Observe my foresight. I never venture forth without my mackintosh squares” – A Room with a View

I thought I’d take myself to bed early tonight to watch TV; for 2 reasons:

(a) I was tired after 2 nights staying up late and getting my head all mashed up watching ‘Lost’ season 6.

(b) My bed is further away from the biscuit tin than the downstairs TV and would reduce the temptation to eat my own bodyweight in Cadbury chocolate fingers and animal biscuits left over from Christmas.

Sadly, there was chuff all on the box so I ended up sat at the PC wondering what crap to look at on the Information Superhighway, as I cursed the television schedule people for lacking imagination.

Then it came to me in a blinding flash of inspiration! Via the power of Youtube I could create my own viewing schedule to end all viewing schedules and personally tailor it to my own eclectic tastes.

As a gift to you I’d like to share my ultimate televisual night in.

Lancelot Link Secret Chimp – primate Columbo – Brilliant!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nja74bq07Hc

Ox Tales – there’s a gorilla in it called Gaylord – what’s not to like?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oK2Zr3Zi1Rg

Kath & Kim- the Kylie episode

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xtpxoy04h1M

Of course my favourite film ever would have to be on the listing: A Room with a View http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kmBWJFbw2hA  with the fabulous cast of Helena Bonham Carter, Judi Dench, Maggie Smith, Simon Callow and Denholm Elliott and the song that never fails to make the hairs on my arms stand on end – ‘Chi Il Bel Sogno Di Doretta’ – pretty beautiful lyrics in English but in Italian? Let’s face it everything sounds wonderful.

 “la vostra madre ha un occhio di vetro con un pesce in esso e un piedino di legno con un basamento di scossa” * (translation at foot of page)

Feign to deny it ladies, we’d all like to be taken unawares in a field of cornflowers in the Tuscan countryside rather than backscuttled for 5 minutes during Match of the Day!

And natch… A bit of the old Gene Genie and Bols sexual tension:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=754TNI5u_u0

The cringeworthy documentary about Bucks Fizz from a few years ago would have to be included – This is the only clip I can find on YouTube  http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8rV9fD6i-WE   It was called ‘Trouble at the Top’ and when Bobby and David started arguing about who owned the right to the name and more importantly – the sweaters that they wore on Eurovision – you had to wonder if it was an elaborate April Fools joke.

The entire series of FunLand, which, if you missed it and enjoyed The League of Gentlemen and Green Wing then you’ll like this:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XsL2gPD0fIs&feature=channel

Finally, after a few wines, that documentary about men who own Real Dolls. (YouTube won’t let me add a clip unless I tell them I am over 18 so I shall leave it to you to find it if you wish.)

The dude who had them all sat round the table wearing party hats with party blowouts in their mouths was just fantastic! Now if only Bman took as much care of me as these guys did their dolls. 16 years we’ve been together and not once has he caringly strapped me to a typing chair and sent me cross-country in a wooden box to have my vagina re-upholstered, weeping as he waved me off in a FedEx van!

Photographs from google images

* “Your mother’s got a glass eye with a fish in it and a wooden leg with a kick stand” . . .

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