Bad Mom / Dodgy DJ


Name that Tune: “So sexual, she was flexible, Professional, drinkin X and ooo” – Apple Bottom Jeans, T Pain

 Movie Quote of the Day:     “Don’t you sometimes hate yourself? / Constantly” – Sunset Boulevard

Hip Hop dance masterclass was a good laugh yesterday morning.  I think I managed to hold my own although I doubt Jay Z will be calling anytime soon offering me a backing dancer’s job.

 The Halloween disco last night (a week early) went well.  Lots of cool fancy dress costumes and my favourite comment being; “Wow, Miss, you’ve got your hair down” – when I actually had a long red wig on.  Yes, children, if I take my hair out of a ponytail it miraculously changes from blonde to mahogany!

 The usual disco DJ had been replaced by a double act who wouldn’t have looked out of place in a Tim Burton film or possibly G-Wing at the local sex offenders prison.  One kept hovering around next to the sweets & crisps cart with his hands in his pockets.  Lots of inappropriate tuneage for the kids, which is always nice – bit of Eminem; Love the man, think he’s fab, but probably not the best choice of artist to play at an under 11’s school disco although to be fair, it wasn’t the first time I’d heard the word ‘FUCK’ shouted at full volume in that hall.

I went to bed hating myself for having had a mentalist flid out on little A before we set off to the disco, for having lost her spending money.  She had it in her hand – went upstairs to get a purse for it and Bang! Lost it!

  I over-reacted completely and I swore a couple of times and I called her an idiot and an imbecile which was totally uncalled for (at least until she’s 16 and starts dating morons & gets knocked up by a drug dealer).  I am a terrible mother.

 I cut a sad sight in the hall dressed as a Witch sat next to Frankenstein’s Bride and a Mummy telling them how dreadful a parent I was.  Luckily, A is more forgiving of me than I am of myself and once I made my apologies she smacked me on the bum and called me a ‘mean old panty lady’ and now we are friends again.  My children are amazing and I truly hope I don’t fuck them up with my own fuckedupedness (it’s a word – honest).

 It’s Half Term now and I was going to head south to visit the lady like Misty Blue and her new arrival, but I think it’s best to give her some time to adjust to motherhood before I rock up with my own kids and brace of Bombay Saph to tell her all the crap stuff is yet to come.  Instead I have elected to do nothing specific. 

    I am out in Manc on Thursday with my family to go to a gig and out for a meal.  I have a Halloween party of my own to prepare for and yes, I realize I have more Halloween decorations than I do Christmas ones but you can never have enough Crime Scene Tape and phony cobwebs.  To be fair, I’m not much of a duster, so I could probably just utilize the genuine cobwebs around the house – spray them silver or something.  I’ve made my Dead Gorgeous Prom Queen costume by slashing up and old cocktail dress and lathering it in stage blood.  I got most of it off the carpet before it stained so Bman may never know.  I won’t tell him if you don’t.  😉

 Today me and the childerbeast have loafed around and watched DVD’s and then they went to play on the CBeebies website while I watched ‘Bridge on the River Kwai’ – classic rainy day afternoon movie.  When Alec Guiness heroically saves the day by limping up to the detonator and falling on it.  Good Show old man – jolly good show!

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