Ever fallen in love with someone you shouldn’t have fallen in love with?


Name that Tune:  “If you hear what I’m saying, put your hands up if you feel love tonight.” – Put Your Hands Up – Kylie Minogue

 Movie Quote of the Day:   “Could we not allow ourselves this one moment of indiscretion?” Withnail & I

 Forgive me but I have fallen by the wayside.  Not even onto the bandwagon but crushed under its wheels.

What am I on about now?

     Remember back when your Mum warned you off boys, cigarettes, credit card debt and glue sniffing (if you were a child of the 80’s).   

Do kids still sniff glue? Who knows?   Probably; and I bet if they do they think they are the first ones to do it.  “Look at me with my bag of bostick, I’m so cool.”  Then their Mums are like; “Sweetheart, you are soooo 1982 – here have a polypentopeptide AHA fauxtox & methadrone spritzer darling, you’ll be ripped to the tits for days and still look youthful at 60”.

 Anyhoo, you swore blind, in all seriousness at the time, that you would steer clear of credit cards, boys, smoking, sniffing glue, ecstasy, dope and all manner of other hallucinogenics, amphetamines and tranquilizers.  Yet somehow… eventually… either bowing to peer pressure or simple idle curiosity as to seeing what all the fuss was about… inevitably… you succumbed to temptation and tried one of the above/ some of the above/ all of the above (delete as appropriate).

 My point (cos I do have one) is that this week I decided to try something new, something everyone has been talking about,  which thus far I have managed to avoid. 

 Don’t be too alarmed.  No need to call Social Services. Hang up that call to F.R.A.N.K.

The cankerous all-pervading mass hallucinogen of which I speak is not something which has to be purchased online under the guise of “plant feed” or trawled around the armpits and arse-ends of some innercity council house estate under cover of darkness for. 

   All I had to do to get hold of it was to go to a bookshelf and last night I became hooked and fell in love with someone I shouldn’t have…and let’s face it, we’ve all been there.

 Wrong, wrong, wrong! On so many levels.

  The bloody Twilight Saga!

 I felt I had a strong enough constitution to be immune to such nonsense but…                        Damn!

                                                    That is one sexy novel!

 Just going to show that all the (literal) in your face sex, of our TV generation of full frontal smut is nothing compared to the old: ‘I really want you, but I’m just not really allowed to touch you” tension.  The ‘just the smell of you and your proximity to me is driving me insane and I don’t know what friggin time it is or what I am meant to be doing anymore’ animal magnetism.

 Wave your hands in the air and shout “Hell Yeah!” If you know what I’m saying because you’ve been there.

And if you don’t know what I mean then I hope that one day you do because trust me, if you could bottle that shit & sell it on the streets then all the glue and pills and powders would become defunct and you’d be the new King of the Street, spending your days on a giant party yacht & sipping Mai Tai’s and counting all your gold – quite possibly with Stephenie Meyer sat on the opposite lounger and you could both High Five each other all the way to the bloody bank as you chink your glasses together.

 Now if you’ll excuse me I have a late date with a younger man:- not a big eater, pale skinned, dark haired, big presence, fast driver, big passion.  Hell, I might even wear my new Green Flash for maximum heart racing effect.

 If only eh?  The only thing I’ve managed to pull lately is the ligaments in the back of my knees from a tad too much Joe Budden ‘Pump It Up’ yesterday. (truly…don’t ask, just be thankful there was no CCTV in place.)

 Ciao Bella (indeed) Xx



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