I’ve got the key (I’ve got the secret)


Name that Tune:  “It’s your mind, and that’s all that’s tricking you, So step in line; Hey! Come on babe. Follow me; I’m the Pied Piper” – The Pied Piper, Del Shannon 

 Movie Quote of the Day:     “Is that crazy enough for ya’? Want me to take a shit on the floor?” – One Flew Over the Cuckoo’s Nest 

 Never under-estimate the hypnotic mind controlling power of the electronic pencil sharpener.  I shit you not!  Fire up one of those bad boys and the childerbeast flock to form an orderly(ish) line, with hastily snapped pencil clutched in clammy hand.   It is a little known fact that the Pied Piper of Hamlyn did in fact get his magic flute from Staples and it could sharpen a mean pencil crayon.  Possibly I just made that up, but if he had used an electronic pencil sharpener he could have coaxed away a shit load more kids (even that lame one from the story who was the only one to make it home).

 Just think what a zen-like child-whisperer guru you could be if you had one of those USB sharpeners that lights up different colours when you stick a pencil in it!

If only Jesus had one of these – he could have won the Romans round and everything! Mesmerized them with the ancient magical mind control technique of sharpening pencils really fast: except they didn’t have USB ports, electricity of even pencils so he probably would have got crucified anyway.  Was it the Romans who crucified him? I’m not that clear on that biblical stuff – Heathen such as I am and also clearly quite of my rocker if I am talking to cyberspace about being able to rule the world just by hypnotizing children with electronic stationery items.



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