Je Reviens


Name that Tune:   “Back on the train, I ask why did I come again?” – Missing, ETBTG  

Movie Quote of the Day: “His heart will stop at the very sight of you or he doesn’t deserve to live!” – Becoming Jane  

True story: This is a conversation I overheard on the bus into Sadford on Monday morning between 2 youths of indeterminate age (I’m guessing at 16 or 17) indentically clad in a trackydaks tucked into white socks and Umbro kagoule ensemble.  

A: “Your babby’ll be on it’s way soon yeah?”  

B: “Aye, well, 12 weeks yet”  

A: “You excited then or nervous or what?”  

B “Pretty excited yeah”  

A: “How old is she then this lass”  

B: “She’s in our Joe’s year”  

A: “Right so she’s 12 then?….. Bit wrong that innit mate?”  

B: “Umm yeah I guess so…”  


Call the Estate Agent. We’re moving!  

Shout out also to the mother. teenage daughter and daughter’s boyfriend who got on the train at Rochdale drinking what looked and smelled like a Vodka/Redbull/Buckfast cocktail from an old Irn Bru bottle; taking turns to swig out the bottle and saying “Hey let’s start as we mean to go on today then eh?” – It was 0950 on a Monday morning… Come on people, we’re not camping here* show a little restraint until at least noon FFS!  

(Tell the estate agent to cross Rochdale off the list of potential places to live.) 

 Arrived in Chester Y’s just in time for the rain to come down. Pops took us into town, bought a load of clothes for the childerbeast and I had high hopes for the purchase of the jumbo fairy/butterfly wings but the bloody fancy dress store was shut!  Information, which might have been useful to publish on the website. I took down a number and gave them a call and was advised (eventually) that the store only opened Tuesdays to Saturdays. Not to worry. I had 2 days… the wings were mine. I’d get on the case first thing, my bro could run me down to pick them up before we went to the zoo.  

In the meantime we hit the Crocky Trail for an hour & made it out relatively unscathed and with clothing all intact. Good times.  


Tuesday dawned. No reply at the fancy dress store so I emailed via the contact page on the website and was eventually called back after 11am when I was advised stock would be checked on the wing situation “when I get into the shop” (still not open then – nice) and I would be called back with an update.  

Headed off to zoo. Weather much improved, probably should have taken sun lotion to be honest, it was that nice.  

Folks decided to meet us at the zoo later on with a picnic. Pops not only going round town with us but coming to the zoo aswell (he dislikes going round town & hates zoos) in space of 24 hours – Planets must have been in alignment or something. Rare times indeed. Cool!  

Lots of scallies and chavs at the zoo, surprisingly considering the £16.90 entrance fee (Yes, I did say £16.90!)  My bro & I decided that there must’ve been some kind of BOGOF or token collection offer in the Liverpool Echo or Chester Standard.  

“Animals ‘n that innit mate, nice one, top one, check out the meerkats – seeemples init. Buzzin’ La! 

We had free tickets anyway because of RhoBear having sponsored a Spectacled Bear on her birthday. So she got to meet her Bear. Sweet! 

Bears's bear


 Fancy Dress store called to tell me that my wings had to be ordered in but would take 2 days so wouldn’t be available until Thursday (I had already explained that I was leaving on Wednesday).  Again, information which might have been more useful to me on Monday when, had they been ordered when I first enquired, would have been ready for me on Wednesday morning before I left. Tits! Shit! and Flange!  

Have to now make do with inferior black/green wings from Chester Market. Am focusing on Bman’s positive spin on the situation being: “you would probably have wrecked the big giant pair by sitting on them or something or someone would have set them on fire with a spliff at the festival so you’re better off with a crap cheaper pair anyway”.  

He’s probably right but don’t tell him I said that.  

Just to add insult to injury, in the Butterfly House at the zoo I was taunted by a large butterfly with exactly the same wings as the ones I had seen in the shop (only smaller obviously). Flitting past me, refusing to alight on any leaves so I couldn’t photograph it, flapping prettily infront of me singing: “I’ve got your wiiiingsm, you cannot have them they’re just for pretty delicate creatures like me and not big heifer harridans like you! Nah nah na-nah nah!” – If it hadn’t have been so beautiful (and fast) I may have squashed it in a jealous rage**  

Childerbeast were surprisingly resilient and were still looning about until 9pm but we eventually got them to bed and me and Bro went to The Plough for a shandy or 2 and talked about missed chances, lost opportunities and the importance of cramming as much in while you’re young and unencumbered by mortgages/children/low libido/crows feet/muffin tops and memory loss.  


Tomorrow is Moorfest so I shall be incommunicado until Monday evening at the very earliest,  but should any emergency arise or if anyone wishes to join us under canvas, I shall be found in the Family Camping Zone, Heslaker Farm, Skipton – big blue tent/gazebo/fairy light/ novelty inflatable type Living Space and may or may not be sporting a blue wig & black/green wings.  

Bring it on!  

* camping = no rules apply regarding appropriate time to crack open the wine/G&T or a perhaps a little livener at breakfast.  

** not really, I would never knowingly kill a living thing (except maybe a wasp or one of those flies that keeps trying to fly into your face/ear/eye/mouth) 




One Response to “Je Reviens”

  1. flightsrhodes Says:

    ahhhhhh very good, bookmarked 🙂 keep it up, JusyKassy.

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