Beauty School Drop Out


Name that Tune:    “But to cry in front of you, that’s the worse thing I could do.” – Worse things I could do, Rizzo, Grease OST

Movie Quote of the Day:   “Beauty-school sure wasn’t as I thought it would be. / Nothing ever is.” – Grease

Had a clear out this afternoon while we watched ‘Superman 2’ of the boxes I have stashed away in the office cupboard full of old birthday cards and photos not in albums. I had 3 folder’s worth of R’s progress portfolios from daycare, school nursery and reception class but none for A! Why would that be? I did have all A’s reading and spelling certificates though (but none of R’s). What kind of Mumlogic is that?

I got so engrossed in it that after Superman had finished I got sucked into watching ‘Finding Nemo’ (which we have on DVD) instead of remembering to turn over to watch ‘Grease’ (which we don’t). Arse! I was all up for a bit of a sing-a-long with Rizzo.

Found some gems in the shape of my GCSE certificates, a school report from 4th year in High School (whatever that is these days – Year 10 maybe?). Swimming certificates, of the type when you had to dive for bricks, tread water for about 2 hours, rescue a “drowning” pal and, inexplicably, fashion a float from your pyjama bottoms (should you ever end up in the river or out at sea after bedtime presumably).

Also found my Work Experience log detailing what I did each day at BJ’s Fitness Centre (I’m not making this up). It was run by a couple called Bill & Julie, honest.  I think it might even still be there – Google it – check and see. And if it wasn’t amusingly named enough, I noticed on the signature on the last page that her surname was ‘Greathead’.   Oh how they must have chuckled when they registered that business venture down at Companies House.

Here’s a typical extract:-

“Today I polished the wieght training machines and learned how to set the timer on the UVA Star sunbed…………I am learning about beeing more active and not beeing so shy with the customers”

I also remember being asked to rinse some giant pot plants in their giant walk-in shower in the private flat upstairs. Sounds like a riot eh? Funny that in my head I always thought I was born with great spelling ability – but apparently not.

Amazing what tricks the human mind can play on you isn’t it? Self-delusion; it’s wonderful thing. Convincing people in their droves that they are attractive; slim; charming; brilliant at singing; expert in bed; funny; (delete as appropriate or tick all boxes).

I was under the illusion at the time that ‘when I grew up’ I wanted to be a Beauty Therapist so I got the placement at the Fitness Centre because it had a salon upstairs. I got one day of my two week stint to go in the Salon, I think it was even on my last day and only because I told my P.E. Teacher at school that all I had been doing was disinfecting sweaty sunbeds and mixing isotonic drinks and bodybuilding milkshakes for a fortnight instead of being in the Salon as requested.

As it goes, my one day in a white jacket watching old biddy’s having their corns scraped and bimbo DHW’s having manicures and talking shite was enough to put me off the idea altogether.

Nice people though who ran the place and of course it knocked the spots off being at school for 2 weeks. I didn’t have to get up as early, I got to stay out a bit later if I did a night shift and I could nip out at lunch time for a cheeky Regal King Size. My mum even bought me a tracksuit for the job from Champion Sports downstairs in Debenhams. I don’t recall the brand but I can picture it now. It was navy blue and said ‘Hang Ten’ on the front with a picture of some feet. I’d never been surfing or windsurfing in my life and 22 years later I still haven’t! I looked the part though.


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