Early Morning Question Time


Name that Tune:       “Kiss me once and then once more, what a dunce I was before” – How long (has this been going on?) Van Morrison 

 Movie Quote of the Day:     “Of course it’s unfair, we are women, our choices are never easy” – Titanic 

Yesterday morning my eldest daughter asks me while she is brushing her teeth; “What does *period* mean mummy?”  

 I had hoped that I might evade this type of question for a few more years and be slightly better prepared for it than sitting on the loo reading a Dan Brown at the time. 

I asked what had prompted this enquiry and she pointed at my coffee mug balanced on the bathroom windowsill (and Yes I did have my coffee mug in the bathroom with me – don’t judge me – mornings are a hurry, I need to multitask to get out of the door for 0800). 


But what does it *mean* ?

 Now, I could have lied and fobbed her off with something vague but she caught me, quite literally, with my pants down and anyway it was too damn early to think of anything off the cuff.  I don’t like to lie to my children as I find that it can only serve to muddy the waters and fracture that bond of trust so I went with the truth… 

 Disclaimer:  When I say I don’t like to lie, to them, that doesn’t obviously apply to questions about the existence of Santa Claus, The Tooth Fairy, Easter Bunny or Bobbyknocker*. 

 … I don’t think I traumatized her too much and I simplified things more than a little. I didn’t go into specifics about how eggs get fertilized (or hopefully DON’T get fertilized until you are at least 30).  I thought I’d hold a little back for a few more years.  

 She took it all in her stride and didn’t break off from brushing her teeth except to grimace slightly at one point, but then when she had rinsed she said; “Yes, Mummy but what does the mug actually *mean* ?”  I blathered a bit about mood swings and some women getting into a bad mood because of all this going on every month and she asked; “Is this still happening to you then mummy?”  To which I replied, “Why yes it is darling”.  “Ohhhhhhh I seeeeee” she says, nodding with the air of one for whom the penny has just dropped.  “That’s why sometimes you’re crosser than usual when we leave stuff all over the floor and don’t do as we are asked”… 

 There you go… 


 This time 8 years ago I was in the garden at The Moss dancing to a 70’s band with my dearest friends and rellies (and a few people who I haven’t seen since) and trying dismally to get drunk (I kept forgetting where I put my drink down).  I looked up what gift’s were traditional for an 8th wedding anniversary and found this confusing site:  Anniversary Gift Website 

 So basically I could either get a bronze ornament, a clematis, a lace bodystocking or some big pants.  ???? 

Thankfully Bman didn’t check this site and went instead for a book he knew I wanted and a Mr Staypuft key fob. 


Are you terrified beyond all capacity for reasonable thought?

 * Bobbyknocker as I am sure you are well aware is that rhino headed, giraffe necked, gorilla bodied, elephant legged, lobster armed creature who knocks on the bedroom windows of naughty children during the night to warn them that they should behave or else get taken away to Bobbyknocker Land.  Parents of course, cannot see him, which makes him even more terrifying  

 What?  Don’t question me.  A little bit of primal fear never hurt to keep the unruly in line – don’t get me started with the heaven, hell & purgatory thing.


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