Flurry Across the Mersey


Name that Tune: “If I could turn back time, If I could find a way” – If I could Turn Back Time, Cher  

 Movie Quote of the Day: “I made rather a night of it last night” – Educating Rita  

 All excited about going to Chester and having a girls night out in Liverpool. Not been to The Pool for several years – Liverpool County Council took a restraining order out against me after the last time… (probably). All been planned since March, theatre tickets booked and budget accommodation reserved and it has come round way too quick for me to have actually saved any money up for a gargantuan girl night on the lash.  

Anyhoo… Friday afternoon I find out that one of our foursome is ill so can’t make it – this is a great shame but I put the feelers out for a spare 4th to make up the numbers.  

Friday evening I find out that a second member of this girls night foursome has made a bollix of the dates and thought it was next week so is also unable to make it.  This now goes beyond a great shame and begins to whiff a little of a crikey!  

I hurriedly establish that the remaining member of the posse is still game and on route but this leaves us with 2 spare theatre tickets and a room for 4 now having to be paid for by only 2! After some deliberation and investigation we manage to cancel our backpackers hostel room for 4 (bunk beds and jostling for space in the communal kitchen with the multicultural 18-30s) and get a last minute booking at the Adelphi (city centre location, fab twin room with marble bathroom, full English, a haunted 5th floor and a spectacular view across the city from the bathroom as you take a shit, for £35 each).  


Saturday lunchtime I got last minute takers for the spare 2 tickets and a lift to Liverpool thrown in. All is looking rosy until the sky infront of us on the motorway 10 minutes into the journey starts to look a little beyond rosy and more in the realms of fiery.   Black smoke billows across our lane and through it all we make out slowing traffic and a car transporter ablaze at the junction we need to come off at.    

The gods, it would seem, are taking the piss out of me.  

Minutes tick by and we move no further. It’s now 1330 and the theatre show starts at 1400. I start to sweat not a little and not just from the blazing heat of the sun (or indeed the car transporter going up like a good ‘un just metres ahead of us).  

1340 – remaining party buddy calls to see where the hell I am.  

1345- we finally get going again  

1355 – buddy calls again to say the theatre dudes are getting a bit snippy about her loitering in the lobby and making the place look untidy.  

1400 – the show has started and we have not even come out of the Mersey tunnel yet. My friend can’t go in without us because I have her ticket in my handbag. I am beginning to feel paranoid that the gods do not wish for me to have my long awaited child-free, girls booze up of a night out.  

1410 – I have leapt from the car after a mad dash drive around Liverpool chasing the damned elusive theatre that no-one seems to know how to get to. My other 2 friends parked up while I tore across the road on my mobile like a deranged Aneka Rice;  

“I’m outside Iceland and opposite Nandos – where the hell are you??? What are you wearing? I can’t see you – Stop the clock Stop the clock!!”  

 We were all finally admitted to the show about 20 minutes in which didn’t detract from the storyline too much and to anyone ever going to a theatre production in Liverpool can I just say this:-  The Everyman and the Playhouse ARE 2 DIFFERENT THEATRES and don’t you let anyone ever tell you otherwise, because they are on opposite sides of the city and if you are directed to the wrong one YOU WILL BE LATE FOR THE SHOW!  

It was a red hot day and a Mediterranean evening so we spent the majority of the night sat in Concert Square watching the Stags and Hens go by as we got nicely stewed on a beautiful June night. 

 My favourite bit was seeing the mass of hens dressed as lifeguards flashmob a passing CCTV Police Hoolie van. The Old Bill in Liverpool are pretty game so when a few over-enthusiastic hens clambered into the van they simply drove off down the street with them waving from inside while at least 2 dozen pissed up birds in red shorts and yellow lifeguard tops ran after the van, whooping like jackals and waving their red inflatable floats aloft like weapons!  

Damn!   I love Liverpool and alls well that ends well.   


Me, ever so slightly upside down at a karaoke bar on Seel Street

 And, for no good reason…

Not me. just a lookalike WPC I saw on the news








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