Pensive Ramble


Name that Tune:       “And I’m thinking what a mess we’re in.  Hard to know where to begin, If I could slip the sickly ties that earthly man has made” – Virtual Insanity. Jamiroquai

 Movie Quote of the Day:   “You can’t run away from your own feet.” – Cloudy with a chance of meatballs


You know in the Harry Potter stories when Dumbledore empties his memories into the pensieve with his wand? And there was once that TV ad about becoming a Teacher when some kid says they wish they could invent something that empties all the mad & bad thoughts from their head to make room for other stuff?

Yeah? Well I kind of think of this blog as something very similar.  The thoughts come into my head, I type them, I press publish and wayheyhey! It’s out there, floating around all casual like in the ethernet cyber-cosmos to be read by anyone (someone? no-one?) Whatevs…

Today with my blogic wand I shall mostly be excreting the following detritus:-

 i)   Should I throw an Alice in Wonderland Mad Hatter’s Tea Party for the childerbeast in the garden during the next half term or possibly Summer holidays?  If so, should I be the Mad Hatter or the Red Queen?  Also, must source the following:- Gazebo, long table, cupcake stand, amusing teapot, costumes & make giant papier mache Cheshire Cat head & ask school caretaker if he can make me some croquet clubs in the shape of flamingos.

ii)   Must stop irritating Bman as I think he may be about to leave home.  This means not getting cross; general overhaul of household management, probably best not to speak to him at all and may need to start drinking more in order to chill out.

 iii)  Solar powered fairy lights – Wanted some.  Found some. Now have £5.99 multicoloured twinkly bush.  Check!  (You just know those babies are going to end up on my tent next time we camp.  Camp indeed!)

 iv)    Hot dog rolls, shower curtain and new head for the mop. These were the items I went to Morridogs for this morning.  Instead I came home with solar powered fairy lights. £20 worth of cleaning products and a 3 litre carton of bannoffi neopolitan ice cream and a copy of ‘Drag me to Hell’ on DVD as a peace offering  bribe  love token for the Bman.  Damn!

 v)   What is the mathematical equation for the fact that if you are in the education sector you are X times more likely to be spoken to by one of your class & their family while you are in the alcohol section of the supermarket than any other?  Could you not be at the ecological washing powder shelf or the wholefood section?  Nope.  Sorry but the equation states that you will, my friend, be seen trying to heave an 18 pack of Pear Gaymers into the trolley whilst simultaneously balancing a selection of 3 for £10 wines in the crook of your elbows and cursing to yourself in a slightly deranged manner.

 In the end I didn’t get the booze after remembering that I wasn’t in the car but it was too late, the damage was done.

 vi)    Would childerbeast and husband be better off without me?  If I accidentally got run over they would be quids-in on the life insurance payout although they’d get more for their money if happened on a Bank Holiday and I wasn’t drunk or on any non-prescription medication.  Was too chicken to test out the theory though, despite feeling in very low spirits on the trek to Morribobs this morning. Not even a bit of the L to the double G on the old C3PO could put a smile on my face (‘Rah-ahh-ah-ah-ah, Roma Ro-ma-ma Gaa ga ooh la laa’).   Felt better for sitting in Morriblobs café and partaking of a meat-free breakfast & a cappuccino whilst perusing next week’s TV guide.  Hello!  Darling! Could I BE any more fabulous going out for lunch alone in the funky metropolis of downtown Thornbury and reading ahead of what’s going on in the soaps that I no longer watch?!  Move over Paris Hilton.

 vii)      If you are mentally unhinged so you know you are or do only the truly unbalanced think that they’re normal?

 viii)     Why have I scared off so many friends in the last few years.  I must really be unpleasant to be around.  Helen?  Gone.  Sarah?  Gone.  Kathryn? Gone.  Stevie? Gone.  Damn!  My own husband doesn’t like me half the time.  My  dad has reminded me several times in the last couple of months how awful I was throughout the entire preparations for my wedding, which was 8 years ago for cripes sake. Man, I must have really made an impression.  [Note to self: – be less loathsome]

 ix)    If I was offered a spliff right now would I smoke it?  Yes…  No… Yes… Dunno… Maybe…  Probably (but then I’d likely pass out.)

 x)     Must ring DTR as promised and find out what’s going on in his life.  Last known whereabouts – Barcelona, trapped by Icelandic volcanic ash in a hotel bar on Company expenses.  Give us two pints of that then!

 There was a whole lot more crap than that floating about in my noggin today but I’ve forgotten it already.  In fact I have been that disturbed today that I cleaned the oven. That’s right…  I CLEANED THE FRICKING OVEN!  Now if you’ll excuse me I have eBay bids ending soon on Alice in Wonderland costumes & a folding silver cake stand, my glass also appears to be empty & I’d like to check that me cheapo solar fairy lights are still twinkling.

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