Mental Exhaustion

01/22/2010

Name that Tune: “You stand in the line just to hit a new low, You’re faking a smile with the coffee to go” – Bad Day, Daniel Powter

Movie Quote of the Day: “She paints her face to hide her face” – Memoirs of a Geisha”

Had a terrible evening again yesterday of losing temper with the childerbeast at bedtime. Ended up bursting into tears infront of them like some kind of mental case. Bad times. Need to sort myself out bigstyle.
They’re not in any danger from me, don’t get me wrong. I’m not going to start stubbing cigs out on their arms or shackling them to radiators while I slope off to the pub or anything, but Christ do they test me to my very last nerve! Day after day of moaning & crying at mealtimes. “I don’t like that, I want noodles” etc and having to ask, then cajole, then finally go ballistic with them about keeping their belongings tidy, or at the very least keep the mess to one room only and not scattered to the four (dusty) corners of the house.

Every night I am going to bed and lying awake for ages mentally beating myself up over the fact that I have not remained calm and zenlike yet AGAIN. So much for my New Year Resolution of: “Trying to not be as grumpy”. I don’t even feel any justification of how low I can feel when this red mist takes over. I’ve said it before but I’ll repeat myself (because it’s one of the few things I am good at…) My children are healthy, we’re not on benefits (if we were though, we might have more money to be fair) and I know some couples spend thousands on trying to have children of their own, so I shouldn’t get so cross with them. I even chose to bloody work with the little bleeders (love them all, the precious darlings, honest) but when you realize that there is never ever any of my time when I am not in the company of children except when I am asleep or the rare occasion when I get a social invite out that isn’t a kids party up at the S&D Club (I’m not counting the hour or 2 after the childerbeast have gone to bed as Bman is usually around, so more often than not those times are far from tranquil occasions of zenlike, blissful nirvana.) So, is it really any wonder that I haven’t yet gone beserk in Primark with some kind of firearm bought from eBay & then taken myself out before the Armed Response Team arrive?

It’s Friday! I can have a wine or two as opposed to a whine but to be honest I think I’m too tired and the highlight of my Friday night may well be an early bed as soon as the childerbeast are bathed and tucked in. Wooo! Party girl!

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz

Xx

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