Feeling a bit shit


Name that Tune: “Does anybody ever really listen when I speak or will I have to say it all again next week?” – Hello, Hello (turn your radio on), Shakespear’s Sister

Movie Quote of the Day: “Run Forest Run!” – Forrest Gump

So it’s Saturday night and I am sat on the computer again listening to shit on Spotify, eating junk, bidding for crap on eBay & drinking alone.
Another start to the weekend consisting of me losing my rag with the childerbeast like some insane, rage filled irascible sour-faced fishwife; the only saving grace of the day so far being that I have not had to make conversation with my husband because we went out before he got up & now he is at work. Our conversations lately just turning into a contest of who can annoy each other the most by either not listening at all or completely disagreeing with whatever the other has said.

How has it come to this?

What happened to me? To us?

To be fair, I have always been pretty crap, with an overinflated ego & a great sense of the dramatically melancholy but Feck me! lately I just hate the weekends – far too much time for dangerous introspection (a phrase I recently read and very much appreciated). I’d much rather be at work, even on playground duty (a necessary evil I endure once a week so as to take my share with my colleagues of the inanities, petty squabbles & all out fist fights of the 5 to 11 year olds in our care). I am happiest when I am there though. Going back to school, ironically, has turned out to be my saviour. Who would have thought it?

Took the childerbeast to the Saturday morning flicks today to see ‘Tinkerbell & the Lost Treasure’, which I did rather enjoy. I then had grand plans of a tour round what shops are left in Sadford, on a mission for a faux fur coat and Dalmatian print fabric so I can get creative for Halloween (Me as Cruella & the the childerbeast as Dalmatian pups). Once the childerB’s had exhausted the stores that stocked toys, already mentally compiling a list for Santa & we had purchased the requisite spotty material they lost focus & started playing up… well.. one of them did. I was driven insane with constant whining, requests for toilet stops, further drinks, further toilet stops, “Are we going home yet?” lines of questioning, so abandoned my quest for a suitably flamboyant faux fur coat in the Charity shops and returned home, clammy about the armpit regions, grimfaced with frustration & irritation and more than ready for a lie down in a darkened room.

I put ‘Dirty Dancing’ on when we got home in an attempt to ease the building tension and of course, as a tribute to the recently deceased Patrick Swayze, may he rest in peace. I ended up just getting more annoyed though with all the questions. “What’s happening?” “Who’s he? Is that the same man who was dancing with her before?” “Why is she crying? what’s the matter with her?” (cue me glossing over the back street abortion element of the storyline).
They lost interest so I was left to enjoy the movie while I sorted out my college work folder and they played with the kitten in the kitchen. Imagine then my wrath when the movie ended & I went to wash up my tea mug to find the kitchen surfaces awash with juice & water (“we were making experiments Mummy”) seeping over my mobile phone, the as yet unopened but now slightly damp mail and a new computer battery I had just bought. For reasons I never got to the bottom of, all my kitchen furniture was all tied together with tent guylines aswell.

So, I lost it big time, in a style that would have Supernanny wagging her finger at me and in all likelihood had my elderly next door neighbour reporting me to Childline, the police, MI5, the Coastguard & the local insane asylum.

I sat in the garden with the cat for company; my head in my hands and the feeling of yet again failing to keep my temper under control; relieved that I hadn’t belted them, but remorseful that I wasn’t a better woman, mother, wife, friend & human being…

Bad times. Bad bad mother.

Right, I have a Dalmatian suit to sew together… Rock & Roll!

Good luck to my sister & JC on the Great North Run tomorrow morning.


One Response to “Feeling a bit shit”

  1. Barton Mill Says:

    Sounds like life to me!

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