Night Frights


Name that Tune: “Sometimes you’re better off dead, there’s a gun in your hand & it’s pointing at your head” – West End Girls, Pet Shop Boys

Movie Quote of the Day: “You’re an embarrassment to nature, do you know that?” – Ice Age

Watched a TV show the other night about teenage girls in Rochdale, and you know when you’re watching something & it’s so bad that you kind of hope that it’s a very dark comedy and then realise that it isn’t, it is actually a documentary.
Some girls’ aunty or granny or something was asking her why she hadn’t been going into school & telling her she would get nowhere without any “GSE’s or whatever they are” and Mum saying “She’s done em already and passed”. Aunty/Gran then says, “No, them was her mock exams, just a practice like, she has to ‘em proper again”. Mum is convinced that her wayward, hoody wearing, excessive profanity using daughter has taken & passed all her “GSE’s” and does not understand the concept of mock exams not being the same as the real thing.

Mock: definition according to my Collins English Gem = a sham, an imitation


My favourite scene was when Hoody girl & her pal went into an Army Recruitment Office and really sold themselves to the interviewing officer when he asked how they were doing at school and told him:-

We aint been in for months and when we was there we just pissed about like and wandered around instead of going to class cos we couldn’t be arsed like.”

(Hoody girl till has her face obscured by the anorak hood & baseball cap at this point)


Fortunately, (as I feared for the security of our Nation at this point that they might be allowed to join up anyway) it transpired that both suffered from psoriasis, a condition which apparently excluded them from joining Her Majesty’s Armed Forces. Whether that is actually true or just a hastily thought up excuse from the Recruiting dude I couldn’t tell you.


To go for the double on late night sat in bed horror shows on the Box we then watched a documentary/dramatization of the story of the Tate/La Bianca Manson Murders of 1969. I once read a massive book on this gruesome topic so was familiar with most of the grim details although I wasn’t quite prepared for the black & white crime scene photos of the victims all bloodied & splayed out.

I woke up in the middle of the night completely petrified after a bad dream that old crazy as a box of hair Chuck Manson himself was after me with a huge hunting knife.

V. Scary.

Could have been worse I suppose. I could have dreamt about the characters on the previous show, like that I was still me in my head, but I was trapped in their body and their lives…

Arghhhh! My eyes, my eyes! Make it stop!

Note to self: do not watch these dreadful programmes just before going to sleep.

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