Cut-Outs & Rub outs


Name that Tune: “We used to be just like twins, so in sync, the same energy now’s a dead battery” – Hot & Cold – Katy Perry

Movie Quote of the Day: “I often wonder where Norman is now. Probably wintering with his mother in Guildford; a cat, the rain, Vim under the sink and both bars on” – Withnail & I

Apropos of nothing… how easy do you reckon it would be to make a Piñata?
I have been looking at High School Musical ones on eBay & frankly I am not paying £8 minimum plus £5 P&P for what is essentially a cardboard shape that will end up being beaten the inanimate crap out of by 10 giddy girls dressed as cheerleaders & then end up in the recycling bin! I shall give my creative side a go & see what transpires.

I have officially finished doing full days Wednesday & Thursday at Alpha and will be starting at school full weeks – (well except Monday & Tuesdays which will likely be half days apart from the odd week when Bman is home to take A all day). Life will become so much less confusing once she goes into Reception & will be in school until 3pm! For a trial period I will be still doing work for Alpha from 1530-1730 on Wednesday & Thursdays after school. This will keep my hours pretty much as they were before which means I won’t have to faff around changing my Tax Credits, at least until the new September term starts & I will find out if there’s still a full time spot for me at school. All good.

I have spent the weekend listing unwanted items on eBay to try & rake in some pin money (it’ll help to pay for R’s HSM party). I have managed to get a lifesize Troy Bolton cardboard cutout, collect only, from Chester. My brother has ended up with the raw deal of collecting him & having him ride shotgun all the way back down the 56 in his Mini, doubtless praying that he didn’t get stopped by the Old Bill or see anyone he knew. HaHa.
This will be the 3rd life size cut out I have purchased in my life – the first being a joke (I forget why) when I got Sporty Spice in a Karate stance & stood her at the end of Pops’ bed for him to see when he woke up on Father’s Day. I wonder what happened to her? She either went on the bonfire or is still lying around in the loft somewhere. The second was a Han Solo we had in the corner of the room in our flat in Manchester next to the 5ft inflatable Emperor penguin I brought back from Australia, which is now under the bed in a suitcase – I think Han got binned because he got ruined at a party we had when someone (Bman) stuck a Mexican moustache on him & his face got all torn when we unpeeled it!
Back in the present time when such trifles as novelty room decorations & house parties are long since a thing of the past, instead to be replaced by behaviour charts, constant whining, arguments & daily threats to hire a skip & fill it with the perpetual pile of plastic junk that the childerbeast have accrued.
Another weekend of Groundhog Day similarity: – woken up by the childerbeast bouncing on me earlier than when they usually have to be dragged out of bed for school during the week. Take R to ballet, go to little Asda for crap until time to collect R from ballet. Argue for 25 minutes over what to have for lunch; eat lunch, tidy up lunch detritus spilled on floor; try to stop own head imploding when realise that for every room in the house I have cleaned the childerbeast have trashed another. Those people who say “It’s only a bit of mess, it’ll tidy away” can all go & get stuffed!
It’s not the general mess associated with kids and their accumulation of toys I object to. It’s the random emptying of toyboxes & storages boxes of the stuff so that the entire floor looks like a bonfire consisting in the main of Puppy in my Pockets, My little Ponys, semi naked Barbies & oodles of little tiny pieces of plastic rubbish that really grate on my very last nerve ending.
Last night my very last shred of nerve was blown to smithereens at bedtime when the pressure of having been indoors with them all day as I tried to iron, to wash-up, to list 22 different items on eBay, to write this blog, to do some planning & prep for Monday, to wash all the bedlinen & fold up a quick pitch tent that I had let them make a camp with all came to an ugly crescendo. I am amazed the Police were not called or that Esther Rantzen didn’t start braying on my door with the entire ChildLine Team bringing up the rear. I was so furious that my best set of beads burst from their string round my neck all over the kitchen floor like something from the Incredible Hulk. Time for a new batch of industrial strength Quiet Life tablets methinks (& some new beads).

And No! I can’t ‘just leave it’. I can’t stand having to weave through it all, picking my way through soul (& sole) destroying fiddly bits of plastic just to tuck them into bed. This is my house & they can bloody well keep it tidy!

Today has been no better even with Bman on hand to assist with crowd control. Between us we have filled a bin bag with broken bits of tat & shite filtered out as it took all 4 of us – well, 3 because A just sat in the middle of all the junk crying (and let me tell you… I knew how she felt!) to tidy their room yet again. They’re both in bed quiet enough now but I haven’t read them a story or let them listen to an audio CD, I have had it with them this weekend so am hiding in the office until Bman goes to bed at 9pm cos he’s on earlies tomorrow. No doubt he’ll be holding out high & ultimately unrequited hope of a Sunday shag before bed but he better get used to ‘Heartbeat’ on his own because frankly I couldn’t be in any less of the right frame of mind for THAT aswell. Impatient mother, unloving, ungiving wife, useless throwaway friend that’s me.

I looked out the window last night & saw my friends from down the road on their way out, getting a lift with some other friends, all glammed up. I then spent half an hour stewing over where it was they were going and why had we not been invited. This kind of thing happens an awful lot to me and does make a girl question her score on the old ‘Friends Top Trumps’ scale:- Dull Factor = 100.

My sister & JC did the Manchester Run today so Well Done to them! We were going to go & watch them but a poor weather forecast & logistical problems forced us to abandon. Pity, as we could have watched Usain Bolt do the 150m sprint in 14.36 seconds or something ridiculously fast – Man is he a tall guy!!

I feel a real heel now for not going to cheer them on. My sis just called (a bit worse the wear for post-race celebratory aperitifs) & said how gutted she was that none of her family had been there to see her run. She then sent me picture text of her stood grinning next to “Troy” who arrived safely from Chester with my brother earlier today.

I am a bad sister for not going to Manc today.

Anyway I am signing off now to go and question my sanity & mental well being a bit more and generally over-analyse myself as I stew over why it that I have just told my Ma-in Law that I don’t really think the childerbeast (the very same who have driven me insane this weekend & I wanted respite from) should go to stay with her for 2 days in the Spring Break after all.
Am having mad thoughts about how she will cope in an emergency because of her gammy leg: – what if they drive her up the wall aswell, what if she does too much with them & irreparably damages her already nackered leg, and that old chestnut of “what if there’s a fire?” – I am a poor excuse for a daughter-in law

Time for an early bath. Perhaps with a heavy dose of clary sage & lavender oils to calm down my overactive slightly unhinged mind & put me into a restful sleep.



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