Unappreciated & Much Needed Days Out


Name that Tune: “and in my dreams I feel like we are 40 storeys tall” – Untouchable, Girls Aloud

Movie Quote of the Day: “I hate to say this, but this place is getting to me. I think I’m getting the Fear.” – Fear & Loathing in Las Vegas

So after weeks of pestering I caved in and took the Childerbeast to Eureka Children’s Museum in The Mighty Fax yesterday – it was Aliens Week so one child per paying adult got in free if they were in fancy dress as something ‘out of this world’ (the kids not the parent). So coloured sparkly pipe-cleaners attached to hair bobbles with hair in high bunches and we were sorted! I would have made more of an effort & painted their faces had I any facepaints, but my plan to go and purchase some on Friday was thwarted by R not being up to a trip into town. She had returned from T’s on Thursday absolutely fine but later started complaining of chest pains which I put down to indigestion from going out straight after tea and going loony on the big trampoline. After only half an hour in bed she shouted down that she thought she might have “done a bit of poo in the bed”, so I shot upstairs to see if she was ok. She was by this time in the bathroom pebbledashing the toilet bowl & just as I was searching the bedsheets for code browns I heard the ominous sound of the retch, & splashing of spew on lino. Poor babe was firing from both ends, so I rushed in to attend & got a full frontal shower down my combats & open-toed slippers. The joy of parenting is it? Says who? Says people who don’t have kids & grandparents who don’t have them all the time that’s who!

Child showered, in fresh PJ’s & laid up in bed made up on floor (to avoid mad scramble down bunk bed ladder in case of emergency), washing up bowl next to her head Bman & I set about disinfecting the bathroom & washing the chunks off my trews & slippers. My shaggy-look bathroom mat had to be resigned to the wheeley bin though as neither of us could face trying to rinse it out. She was up 2 more times in the night but luckily she had a good aim for the washing up bowl so we were spared in midnight/wee small hours bleaching of carpets.

This basically wrote off Friday as the little lamb was encamped under her duvet on the couch most of the day slipping in and out of sleep. Fortunately, whatever it was she had succumbed to did not extend to A, as I doubt I could have coped with 2 of them being ill at the same time.

Anyway, she was well enough on Saturday for the long awaited Eureka trip so off we went off for a day full of button pushing, lever pulling & 2 little girls wanting to be in 6 different areas of the museum at the same time. They had a great time running from one thing to another & I was pretty pooped by the time we left & did not resent at all the £15 I had just parted with to keep them entertained. Not that is, until I asked them at the train station if they had a good day and got a surly reply of; “No it was rubbish” & “I didn’t even want to go there”. I resisted the urge to push them both off the platform onto the tracks & through gritted teeth imparted my disappointment in their sour ungrateful attitude & asked them not to speak to me for the journey home.

I could have bought a bottle of Bombay Sapphire with that £15! Bloody ungrateful shites!

This morning I felt no better, I woke up in the foulest of moods, full of irrational irritation with the World in general so thought it best to absent myself from those I loved (but who, for the time being, did not wish to be anywhere near).
Bman was on a day off so I figured he could do the same things as I usually do on my “days off” so while I cleared off into Leeds he was left in charge of the childerbeast, whilst also trying to do the chores he wanted to get on with.

So by lunchtime I was aboard the fun chariot that is – The 508.

There was a man next to me dressed smartly but sporting bandages around his ankles with the trouser hems tucked in. He drank throughout the journey from an unmarked plastic bottle that looked like coke but from the smell of him I suspect he had snuck his pal Jim Beam aboard aswell. I also had the joy of a pregnant teenager on her mobile sharing her paternity issues with the entire bus:- “Tell him I had a test right & it int his baby so he can just stop texting me right”.
There was also a dude who looked a cross between Charlie Chuck & the old guy from ‘Father Ted’ who says “Feck” & “Drink!” He was treating the bus to a soliloquy on traffic jams at Armley gyratory & the state of Leeds in general in a Frank Gallagher style. Had I been in less of a trance I should have thought to get my mobile out & record it. He was quite the (de)motivational speaker!

Ahhh the 508, it’s the place to be if you are ever feeling angry at your life, as you see that it could be worse….. oh so much worse.

On the plus side I did get to see on my journey that the old Tradex store at Farsley has now been made in to a massive Go Outdoors superstore. Woohoo! Tentacular, camping & waterproof times ahoy!

So, did my escape into Leeds for some retail therapy help to calm me down? Yes thank you – nothing like a bit of mindless purchasing with money you don’t actually have to ease the pressure. Sadly though, within 40 minutes of getting home I had to resort to type & pack A off for an early bath & bed after a teatime tantrum, the reason for which escapes me, but was something to do with garlic bread I think…

R is back to school tomorrow but I get the pleasure of A for another 2 days as she is not back until Wednesday. Anyone got any Valium?

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