Kill & Cures


Name that Tune: “Distant echoes start to ring in your brain” – Voices, Madonna
Movie Quote of the Day: “You should never understimate the predictability of stupidity” – Snatch
Think I am turning onto cross between Rea from ‘Butterflies’ in the 70’s, Homer Simpson & Waynetta Slob. I haven’t bothered with hair styling or decent clothes for ages, my face is all red from the cold & my barnet is as dry as straw & about 4 different colours & I appear to be becoming dumber by the day.
Today I accidentally almost poisoned Bman by descaling the kettle & forgetting to tell him! I forgot to rinse it out twice then reboil like it said on the destructions. Only remembered when he decided to make a cup-a-soup for his lunch & almost gagged at it, blaming Morridogs for selling him contaminated/out of date Asparagus soup. It was only when after exhausting all possibilities for the heinous taste in his mouth that he piped up with; “Hang on, didn’t you say you thought you might put some limescale remover in the kettle?” to which I replied something sheepish like; “Doh! Oh yeah and I forgot to rinse it all out – sorry honeybun
He now thinks I am trying to bump him off for the insurance to spend on Xmas gifts or run off to the Cote D’Azur or something.
Bah! Foiled – time to put Plan B into action – Swarfega in his shower gel!
Also made a complete pigs ear of making some custard at tea time – lumpy? It was like bloody playdough! Was so amused by my efforts that I captured it on camera to share with the T’interweb:-

Please Sir. don’t make me eat any more….

Went round to T‘s on Friday for a Virgin Vie party where I looked at pretty pictures in a catalogue of expensive cosmetics I neither wanted nor could afford. Did win a loofah sponge in a raffle though so didn’t come home completely empty handed. After telling Mum on the phone before I left that it was going to be a couple of hours & a booze free night I ended up more than fresh on red wine (kindly bought for me as a treat by my lovely pal who knew I had no booze to take round). Laughing away till the wee small hours while my friend & I got a lapdance from a fully clothed, with lacey thong atop her jeans D, & another girl who “never drinks” had to be taken home by T‘s hubby for her own safety after the demon red wine took over. I had never met her before in my life but with more than uncanny insight she commented about me as she squeezed my cheeks together in the manner of elderly relative to small child;

“This girl looks like an apple juice drinking innocent but inside, I bet there beats the heart of a more wickedly wanton woman”

I was slightly disturbed that she knew more about me than I had previously been prepared to let on – LOL

D & I have no recollection of getting home but apparently we jumped in a cab which was taking our other pal home at about 0300 & got it to drop us off up the road. I still felt drunk when I woke up at 0800 & had to take R up to ballet. Fortunately the ever patient Bman was on hand to to act as DaddyCabs & take us up there. I decided against joining him and A on a jaunt round little Asda while we waited to collect R from her dance class & stayed in the car in the carpark, dozing in the front seat in my big brown parka & Nepalese yak hat like some old tramp that had broken into the car for warmth. When we got home I did my finest Linda Blair impression & barfed like a woman possessed & spent the remains of the day festering like a bedsore watching ‘Santa Claus the Movie’ & ‘Ice Age 2’ in bed with the childerbeast while Bman wallpapered their room. Shameful times!

Saturday night was our turn to go round to D & G‘s for their monthly drinks night but we were all so done-in from either too much the previous night or too much decorating that it was a very quiet affair with us all just loafing about watching some crap on the TV & nodding off into our glasses of pop like a bunch of old fogies. LOL.

The childerbeast’s room is now finished and they are still awake at 2130hrs at the excitement of being in bunk beds. A has banged her head about 4 times already because she keeps forgetting she can no longer stand up on her bed now that it forms the bottom bunk and R has got in & out of bed a zillion times “just to test that she knows how to use the ladder”. Cute but very annoying when you are trying to sneakily wrap Chrimbo gifts in the room next door, so that idea has been abandoned for a night when they are sound asleep by 1930hrs.

Think I am coming down with a cold – I have got that dry raspy throat thing & feel a bit bunged up in the nasal areas – Lemsips all round! I can’t afford to miss any days at work and my assessor is coming this Friday to school check me out as she was ill herself last Friday so blobbed on me when I was all psyched up for her visit.

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